Are You a Bully?

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I had a huge AHA last week and I wanted to share it with you…
I think it was triggered by a HUGE conversation on Facebook about coaches who are bullies and people leaving certain coach’s programs in big numbers.  I read it while I was in Disneyland and it got me thinking…
This year I’ve committed to having lots of adventures and new experiences and I’ve been loving everything I’ve been doing… a course on sensuality, a workshop on Undefended Love, walks in new neighborhoods, training for a half marathon and most recently a trip to Disneyland with my family!
Disneyland was amazing! We had an incredible strategy and didn’t wait for longer than 20 minutes for any ride and walked almost 30 miles in 3 days… and it was in Disneyland that I had my big AHA!  I am not a huge roller coaster fan, and I had decided that part of my adventure would be riding almost everything in the park. You know… push through the fear, right? 
I was standing outside the Tower of Terror with my daughter … a ride I HAVE gone on in the past and really didn’t like..debating on whether I was going to go and it hit me… that I wasn’t pushing through the fear because I wanted what was on the other side... as much as I was bullying myself and trying to MAKE myself do it! As if doing something that made me that uncomfortable made me a better person.
You know how you get those opportunities to learn a lesson over and over again?  Well, one thought led to another and it dawned on my that I have attracted some people with bullying behavior into my life in the last few years and I couldn’t figure out why… till I realized that I was bullying myself and trying to force myself to do things I didn’t want to do. And so in a subconscious way, I was allowing people into my life who were bullies!  Once I realized it, they were gone pretty fast…but I couldn’t figure out why they were there for awhile.
And I got it… I DO believe in moving through fear… but only when something I really want that makes me happy is on the other side. I don’t need to do things that scare me just for the sake of desensitizing myself to fear… I’ve been in a lot of programs where I’ve walked on fire, hiked with bricks in my backpack, bent rebar with my throat… and it was helpful for a short time.  But it doesn’t last. I realized there were things far scarier than physical challenges.
So my new challenge is to be really loving to myself and to let my inner mean girl take a break.  She’s done a good job for a long time… and now it’s time to focus on loving myself into what’s next for me.
If you have a bully inside who needs a vacation, make a choice to let them go today.  It’s SO refreshing!